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Oh Y’all

It’s Friday, which means come five o’clock, I will transition in to the non-virtual world. Kind of like when Ariel gets legs for a while at the price of losing her voice. I try to disconnect from the WWW on weekends to maintain my reputation as an actual human and not a robot.

becca ariel

Pretty much identical.

As you all know, I suffered through some writer’s block recently. What I realized today, is that it wasn’t a problem with letting the words flow or putting together entertaining sentences, but rather an issue of topic. My ideas are lost somewhere on an island talking to a volley ball. SOS. I need your  help. If you have any post ideas that you think I should explore, or anything you would like to hear my take on, please leave your suggestion(s) in the comments. I will of course give you credit for the idea should I use it. I will also write your name in my notepad with a heart around it.

Before I announce the winning comments from the past week… or three, or whatever, I would like to say thank you to two ladies. Firstly, thanks to Ms. Maddie Cochere. She drives a truck, rides motorcycles without a helmet, and apparently loves a gamble. She is basically a Bandito, but she still isn’t above blog awards and using the term “sweet”. Thank you for the compliment. I always wanted to be described like a candy bar. I don’t usually participate in the awards anymore, but sometimes I like to answer the questions that come along with them. This is one of those times:

Cookies or Cake?  I don’t like sweets. But I will fuck up some fortune cookies.
Chocolate or Vanilla?  Sounds racist.
What is your favorite sweet treat? Again, I don’t fancy sweets except for the fact that I usually drink my sugar with a dash of coffee.
When do you crave sweet things the most?  When I have a penis. That means never in case you are confused.
If you had a sweet nickname what would it be? Urban Dictionary says that sweet means, “something pretty awesome”. Since Urban Dictionary has not failed me in my life ever, I will use this definition. Someone called me “boots” once, and that was pretty sweet. 

I would also like to thank Ms. Marie for adding me to her Featured Posts this week on Good Morning Joe. There are a great variety of interesting reads over there. I give you permission to go visit, but be sure to look both ways when you cross the street.

And now for the comment winners…

Adam of My Right to Bitch on 10 Personal Post Secrets Revealed

right to bitch blog

John, aka Red, of Society Red on Shit Bloggers Do , because he was the  first one to recognize my hidden joke in the tags.

Society Red

And finally, Brother Jon on Who Are You Ty Ling?.

brother jon

Y’all are obviously clever, so get to typing more comments. Give me your ideas my pretties. Please and thank you. Oh, and have a good weekend too yo.

becca cord signature

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Celebrating Clever

This will be a short post, but I want to try something.

The greatest satisfaction of blogging is probably finally hitting the publish button after you have worked, reworked, and worked again on your post. The even greater satisfaction of blogging is the comment section. I don’t think I ever get boring comments. Y’all are like my own little laugh factory waiting to explode with responses that could make even Kristen Stewart crack a grin. Yeah, I went for that unoriginal and overused joke. You see? I am not the funny one here, y’all are.

So here is what I am thinking. I’d like to end my blogging weeks by recognizing three funniest comments for each week. I will still write a normal post, but I will post screen shots of the selected comments (for those of you who don’t read the comment section thoroughly) at the end of my post, and link to the bloggers with the winning comments.  I don’t blog on Saturday or Sunday usually, so the idea is for these comment winner announcements to appear on Friday posts. Today will be a test run.

I will be be elaborating on the Fly Blog Award next week. As long as I don’t get burned out.

El Guapo on Picture This… (does this count as a birthday present?):

Guapo

Derek of Practically Serious on This is My Festivus Post:

25tofly comment winner

Mike Calahan on the same post:

25tofly comment winner

Thanks for making me laugh every day. What do y’all think about this idea? Love it? Hate it? Should I give up blogging and try to become a stock photo model? Express yourself in the comments. Mind you, I said express, not expose.

becca cord signature

Forgive Me Friday

puss n boots

Something tells me that if my face could do this I wouldn’t have gotten all of those speeding tickets.

When there are times that I am wrong (rarely ever), I say I am wrong. This is one of those times. I’ll start by extending an apology to the late Mary Kay. I don’t assume it is good for one’s karma to insinuate that the deceased mogul resembles a cross dressing Dustin Hoffman. In my defense, I wasn’t aware she wasn’t still around until last night at the “party”. Obviously, I am not a Mary Kay historian.

I have to give the company the credit it truly deserves. My apology is for judging the mascara by its applicator so to speak. Don’t worry, I wasn’t talked into joining the cult. I am not quitting my day job nor my dream of becoming a writer to paint pouts and strut around in mink stoles (knowledge courtesy of  Ms. Carolina). However, my perception of Mary Kay as changed for the better. Prior to last night, those perceptions were frozen in time. The last impression I have of the brand dates back to ’02 when I couldn’t escape the sight of my best friend’s high-resolution eye shadow every day in math class. She always bragged that it was Mary Kay and that her mother was a beauty consultant… so of course she knew what she was doing.

The truth is that I actually ended up buying about seventy dollars worth of the stuff and my purchases weren’t even influenced by friend-guilt. Well played Mary Kay, well played.

My second apology is to those of you who read this blog and is in regards to my post about not telling your friends if you plan to quit smoking. I am a lying hypocrite. Why? Because I did tell my friends. I told all of you. I consider anyone a friend who takes the time to read my junk (that’s what she said?). So, I apologize for not taking my own advice, and I sincerely thank all my blogging friends for being such dashing human beings. Unless you don’t think we are friends, in which case I hope you choke on a mink stole.

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A Morning Battle

Tomorrow I am off. I am pretty elated… minus the monstrous bug invading my office this morning. So, I am trying something different/fun. Consider it a little GIF-t from me to you (hopefully). Also, keeping it short and sweet today. (Hint: you have to click the linked bits for maximum hilarity)

Upon waking up this morning, I was in chipper spirits. Today is Thursday playing dress up as Friday, which is always acceptable. As I took my jaunt in to work, I could see that everyone was sporting the glow that accompanies a short work week. I flung open the door to my office ready to don my thinking cap for the day. No sooner than I had cozy-ed in to my chair, I caught glimpse of something (actual photo) out of the corner of my eye. Suddenly my lackadaisical day became seriously disturbed.

Let the battle begin.

First thing was first. I had to develop my strategy. Only two options seemed to prove practical. To crush, or to tactically poison. With no sufficient smashing apparatuses, I prepared to gas the unfortunate crawler. I took my stare off of the intruder for only a moment to grab my trusty can of Bug Stop. I whipped back around to find my opponent charging straight for me. Action had to be taken immediately. No more pussy footing around. After preforming a few flawless squirms, I  succeeded in sealing its fate. Once the last leg ceased twitching, I peered up to find that I was being watched the whole time. A co-worker was apparently entertained by my battle. I proceeded to shoot him one of these. Fin.

Can you tell I have a slight obsession with GIFs? Compliments of Reddit and ReactionGifs.com

BONUS – Because I have no self control.

becca cord signature

Drinking Your Dinner is Challenging

Image

Friday night is always pretty magical for us 8 to 5ers. It is finally time to unwind with no fear of the alarm come Saturday morning. Unfortunately, my body doesn’t comprehend this. I found myself greeting the day at a precise 8:05 am. Sigh. I tried to combat the wakefulness, smothering my head back in to my fortress of pillows. Nope, you are wide awake Becca. I eventually succumbed. The only possible option now was to go down to the coffee shop, fuel up with a latte (that I apparently didn’t even need) and start this Saturday off with what other than a blog post.

I have two distinct memories from my Friday. One includes my best friend mistaking a shot cup, that I had adopted as my ash tray, for her beloved Jager. This was almost immediately after the above picture. See that grin gleaming on the left? That would soon turn in to the most unsettling grimace as the floor became painted in the aftermath. She was a good sport about it. She is a trooper. It’s why I keep her around.

The rest of the night consisted of many more Michelob Ultras, a few more shots that didn’t taste like tar, and conversations about men, the mechanics of winking and Tampa.  (more…)

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