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Ordinary Boston

I am not one to let news tragedies affect me and certainly not the ridiculous media coverage that accompanies them, but the Boston Marathon bombing really jarred me. I’ve never felt such hopelessness in humanity. I cried on and off the whole day. What you are about to read is a re-post from almost a year ago about my first experience with traveling out of the south as an adult. It’s about the city of Boston as a place that holds special importance to me. It is a place where I conquered multiple fears at once, where I ejected myself from my comfort zone, and where I took risks. It is just such a stunning place, and in light of recent events, I just want to share this piece again. Thanks for reading. 

Boston Copley

The Stoop

I attempt frugality. As well, I pride myself in my research abilities (most of the time). So, when looking for a place to stay in Boston, I luckily found a steal of a crash pad. The place my friend Ellen and I stayed was The Copley House in the Back Bay area of Boston. After my friend in the area convinced me that it was in a safe area and conveniently located in the center of the attractions, I eagerly made a booking.

Instead of a full-blown generic hotel, each room they offered was an individual and unique apartment. After checking in to the main office on Newton St., we drove to our unit around the corner on a different street. Key in hand, we pulled up and grabbed our bags out of the bed of the truck. As I used my key to turn the old rim dead bolt, I felt like I was in a movie scene yet again. You know, the one where I am a successful full-time writer entering her humble city dwelling.

I almost feel like I am cheating readers by making such a lackluster claim, but the apartment we shacked up in was one of my favorite parts of the trip. I am so glad we did not opt for a cookie cutter corporate hotel. Not only would we have spent a fortune, leaving us little money for gorging Lobster and drowning ourselves in Irish car bombs, but the whole experience would have been completely different; think way less traditional character and a lot more generic plastic key card. Read the rest of this entry

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Sleepless in Louisiana

I will be out of the blog arena this week for reasons which I can not disclose. Yet. So in my absence, welcome back the one, the only, Mr. Hook….

secrets

Secrets, secrets are no fun — no, actually they are.

TEN THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT BECCA. Read the rest of this entry

A Daunting Delivery

Yesterday I posted a riddle on Twitter and Facebook: Name a book that everyone has, no one reads, and contains the most characters ever put in between two covers.

phone book

This is an image depicting the answer to the riddle mentioned above.

What you see in the photo, other than my ultra generic but sincerely welcoming welcome mat, is something called a phone book. There is also a large orange door that keeps me safe from intruders. That is a cool color for a door, right? How many people can say that they have an orange door? Sometimes I describe it as “papaya” just to play it up. Unfortunately, my door’s special hue can’t get rid of the aforementioned abomination.

Last week, I arrived home from a taxing day of work and mindlessly climbed the stairs three stories up to my apartment. As I rounded the corner of the stairwell, I saw a line of identical plastic bags placed strategically in front of each door on my floor. As if they were presents or something. Pfft! I didn’t even have to inspect the shady package to know what awaited me. That is partly because the bag was clear, but mostly because I could smell the tears of the rain forest emanating from the pages.

Another phone book.

I didn’t fret. I had a plan. I would pretend it wasn’t there and hope that eventually maintenance or the old, hoarder lady next door would swipe it up without me having to even touch it. A week went by, and I noticed that the stubborn yellow eyesore wasn’t giving up easily. Although it moved about three feet from its original imposing position on my threshold, it continued to annoy me. But its position was such that it was no longer decipherable who’s doorstep the book belonged to, so I held on to my composure.

Until one day, I came home and found a disturbing scene at my door step.

There it was. The phone book, miraculously and deliberately resting not only on top of my threshold once again but actually leaning up against my door, clashing horribly with my beautiful papaya. It was as if it was telling me, “I’m coming in whether you like it or not.” It was inexplicable. Had one of my neighbors become frustrated by my blatant disregard for this unwanted delivery? Maybe someone was jealous of my courage to boldly reject the persistent Yellow Pages and wanted to teach me a lesson by nudging the book back closer to my door? Or perhaps the dumpster food itself scooted its way back into my path just to spite me.

There is no telling which scenario is more likely, but I still haven’t let that thing into my house. The last time I did, I ended up with a phone book Eiffel Tower on top of my fridge. Never again.

Okay, I get it. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a NASA worthy computer the size of a staple at their disposal at all times. You know, besides the billions of people world wide who are using a cell phone. Excuse me, smart phone. But come on Yellow Book, do you really need to distribute five phone books to the same household twice a year to ensure that we are all able to order Domino’s when we are hung over?

Not only is it a huge waste of resources, but it just doesn’t make any sense. When was the last time you wished you had a phone book so you could look up your friend’s number that you lost? Never. Why? Probably because your friend’s number is a cell phone number, and guess what type of phone numbers are not in the phone book? The exact kind of number that you need. Plus, using a phone book when you can transfer information simply by booty bumping your mobile device with another is practically as primative as using a warming pan to heat your sheets at night.

warming pan

Can I use the embers of a burning phone book?

Phone book, you misguided me as a tween when I accidentally called the wrong Bobby Smith and lost my one chance at true love. You made sure to trick me into perpetually looking up numbers that were unlisted, and you most certainly don’t rip in half with ease like I saw on TV.

Your silly games no longer fool me. You are nothing but a pathetic leech clinging on for one last shot at cluttering my shelves. No, you are worse than clutter. You are a true waste of space.

As this game of chicken comes to an end, fear not. You will surely be scooped up and recycled by some Good Samaritan that is not me and then redistributed back to my very doorstep in six short months. But next time I will be ready…

5 Healthy Alternatives to The Wall Slide

Believe it or not, I get a little blue from time to time. Surprise! I am human.

Whether the problem be as small as forgetting my lunch at home or as big as struggling to change my career, sometimes it feels good to just sulk for a minute. Just a minute. One. Small. Minute. We need to let ourselves fully feel some of these emotions in order to conquer them.

There is this cliché scene in movies where a character gets overwhelmed and you see them lean up against a door or wall and slide down until they are sitting there on the floor. Dejected. With a sigh and maybe even a face palm. We have all been there. I probably get there at least once a week. No really, I actually perform this dramatic sequence. The wall slide. It actually makes me feel better. But there are other weird ways in which I console myself when I am feeling frustrated, sad, lonely, or beset. Here are five of them that you may recognize as well.

Wallslide-Cartoon

Ariel gets it.

1. Driving just to drive.

Here’s the scenario. I leave an awful day at work. I arrive home and go through the routine: Check mail. Climb stairs. Go run. Feed Jack. Clean up all of the messes Jack made while I was away. Shower. Eat. Get antsy. Feel lonely. Grab keys. Music. Drive. It may not be economical, but it is certainly meditative.

2. Sitting in the shower.

Luckily for me, I have a tiny triangular bench/seat in my shower, so I don’t have to go full on pathetic by squatting or sitting on the drain. You know you have done it. After a stressful day when the water is really hot, you just want that moment where you don’t have to think or do anything or move a muscle (or stand apparently). So you sit. In the shower. Like a kid sitting under a sprinkler but with much less innocence and way more exhaustion. Occasionally beer is involved, as you learned last week.

3. Staring at the ceiling.

Seriously, try it. Lay down diagonally across your bed. Add a medium-speed fan for an even more trance like experience. At this point, you contemplate life and sigh… a lot.

4. Cleaning everything.

This one is for the more aggressive expulsion of bottled up emotions. There is nothing like blaring some Tech N9ne while you scrub the absolute shit out of your base boards, toilet, shower that you sit in, and/or your kitchen. The plus here is that you get to be over-the-top in the non-destructive way. There is nothing like waking up with your eyes swollen from cry-cleaning to the smell of lemon pledge and ammonia.

5. Writing a post about your feelings.

See this post.

Thanks to everyone who gave feedback on Wednesday about the  blogger meet-up. We will be posting an update in the up coming weeks. I really think we can pull this off. If we don’t, I am going to have to find a lot of walls to slide down.

becca cord signature

Blogger Meet Up 2013

I am sure y’all remember that huge (imaginary) New Year’s meet up most of us partook in, even if you “don’t remember”. Although it was almost two months ago, I think it is safe to say its memory is still more enchanting than anyone could have fathomed.

weird party

No one remembers this?!

Now, imagine if that had been real life. The sensation you just felt was the process of your mind exploding.  But bare with me here.

Lately, I have noticed that a lot of mystical and cosmic encounters have been occurring among WordPress bloggers. While we were all getting classy-trashy at our party, Tracy spent New Year’s Eve with none other than Le Clown and his troops IRL. Vyvacious got to meet Sweet Mother and the fearless Jillian Levi last month. The same Jillian Levi who got to meet up with Calahan after that. I am still not over that one. Hell, even La La announced at one point that she received some free travel miles and took to Facebook to get suggestions on a destination.

What does this all mean, and why do I feel so left out? Besides the fact that I am totally left out. (I wear my tweets on my sleeve)

I began stewing. After that, I began high jacking Facebook comment threads with jealous rants. Then, I decided to stop pouting and do something about it.

I e-mailed Jen demanding that we organize a blogger meet up for 2013. I’m imagining something out of You’ve Got Mail, only you don’t have to make out with anyone at the end if you don’t want. You also won’t go out of business (if you have one). You will, however, have to know how to spell fox. That’s the secret password to get into the meet up.

Jen then pooped her pants in agreement. Thank god I had some baby wipes handy. We obviously make a great team, so we decided to join forces to make this blorgy happen. We would like to work on getting a census of where everyone is located, come up with a centralized venue that would be ideal for most of the bloggers interested, and of course pick some date(s).

BUT FIRST, we need to find out if this is something in which bloggers out there would actually participate. Are you pooing your pants in excitement like Jen, or would you rather remain loving your blog friends from afar? Much like that really rank smelling, yet extremely sweet and helpful cousin of yours. Maybe you don’t give a shit either way, but please humor us.

If you wouldn’t mind, please take a second and let us know by answering the poll questions below in a comment. Actually, you better do it or else I am going to high jack the comment section of your blog and continuously post Harlem Shake video links until the spam filter catches me. Or something.

To meet or not to meet? That is the question.

1. Would you be interested in attending a blogger meetup?

2. What is the closest metropolitan area to you?

3. If you are down, what other place(s) would you like to have a meetup?

becca cord signature

YouTube Tuesday

I have mentioned before that I stopped doing most of the blog awards and such, but that I do enjoy answering the questions that come along with some of them. So this is my half ass participation for Twindaddy who tagged me. I feel like cattle, but I am going to answer all of your questions with a YouTube Video to pay homage to our weekday theme, YouTube Tuesday. And because you have survived on your snowflake for so long. Have fun.

  1. Dogs shouldn’t snore.  Why the hell is my dog snoring? Would you rather this?
  2. Describe the most embarrassing moment you ever endured. Usually involves autocorrect.
  3. My butt’s numb from sitting here for so long.  Wait, that’s not a question.  You have a wedgie.  Do you take care of immediately or wait until no one will notice you taking care of it? Here is an option. Or ditch the undies all together.
  4. A coworker has some nasty body odor.  How do you address the situation? Hire Terry Crews. There is no other option.
  5. You just farted.  You are relieved that it wasn’t loud but it quickly becomes apparent that it was SBD.  Do you blame the dog? Ummm.
  6. You don’t have a dog.  Who do you blame now? Obviously.
  7. Who’s the most hilarious blogger you follow besides me? If you didn’t see this coming, you are dense. 
  8. Some dude’s fly is down.  Do you do the considerate thing and tell him or are you too embarrassed to say anything because you’d have to admit you were looking at his junk? Don’t be afraid to basket shop.
  9. What is the funniest movie EVAR?? The character named Becca is not me. Don’t freak out.
  10. I got so drunk this one time that I actually…. Well if you must know. Just kidding! I haven’t thrown up since I was five. True story.
  11. If you could be any species in that galaxy far away, which would it be (yes, I’m referring to Star Wars)? I challenge you with some classic extraterrestrialism

There. I made a post. I am off to pat myself on the back and feel accomplished.

becca cord signature

Shower Beer

Dude, my blog was kind of an ass last week huh? I finally gained some sort of control. It was actually quite simple to distract my blog so that I could post as me again. I simply opened a movie containing a lot of nudity on Netflix in one tab while I wrote this post in another. Apparently my blog has a problem with the ways in which I unwind in the privacy of my own home, so in spite of my blog hijacking last week, I am going to continue my lush activities. One being the shower beer.

Shower beer

Beaver says… even Michelob Ultra makes a good shower beer.

My coozie says beaver on it. It’s okay to laugh. I know that beavers are totally funny animals in general and really have nothing to do with naked girls taking showers, so I understand how hilarious it is. Beaver.

Now, if you notice in the left photo, I have made sure to censor my entire shoulder and not show any of my armpit either. That would have just been a tease. Plus, I know better than to expose myself like that on the internet. The plus side is that you can still say you have technically seen Becca in the shower. No one will know it was only from my shower beer up.

What is a shower beer you ask? The answer to all of your problems. That’s what. Had a bad day at work? Wash it away while you wash down your favorite lager. Just broke up with your boyfriend/girlfriend? Good, more beer for you and your shower. Didn’t make it to the gym today? Sweat it out under the scalding water with a Bud Select 55 and call it a day.

It isn’t just comforting in times of distress either. You can also resort to a shower beer in times of celebration. Someone bought you a free six-pack? It’s probably because you are charming and worthy, so have that first ice-cold brew under the cascades of your home-made waterfall. Had a sexy day? Make it even sexier with a shower beer. Finally quit your awful day job? Stay in the bathroom until all of the hot water is gone and down as many bottles as you can. You don’t have to wake up tomorrow!

Are you getting the point here? There is never a bad time for this ritual. This is the ultimate indulgence, and the best part is that no one is judging. Your shower head and shampoo bottle will never give you a hard time about downing that pomegranate raspberry Michelob while you scrub your guns and pecs with a pink loofah. You can even enjoy a bath beer in substitution for the shower beer without guilt. It still counts.

If you don’t drink, start drinking. Or as another alternative, grab an O’douls or maybe even a root beer and get naked. Either way, you deserve it.

ADDENDUM: This Thursday is Valentine’s Day. I am sure you are overly aware. The good news is that instead of posting some bitch-fest post, or gushing about a boyfriend, I did something much cooler and way less annoying. I got together with Adam over at My Right to Bitch headquarters, and we came up with a new tradition for the holiday. Be sure to tune in Thursday for our insane collaboration! 

becca cord signature

Lyrical Interpretations and Junk

Some musicians just have it, you know. That spark that let’s them enter a part of our brains in which they can do no wrong. It doesn’t happen often, but when it happens to me it is sort of otherworldly. The rhythm of the songs don’t get old, even the most asinine lyrics make sense, and I begin to think every album was written specifically for me.

For example, I give you Alanis Morissette. First of all, her name is fucking Alanis. That is the kind of name that makes the Sarahs, Lindseys, and Beccas  of the world feel like lemmings. Then there is her voice. Hurry, think of someone else who sounds like her (okay, besides that Meridith Brooks girl). You can’t.

alanis morissette meme

Keanu, you think of everything.

So you get it, I like Alanis.

I like her regardless of her blatant misuse of the word ironic. I like her regardless off the fact that she either has something very secret and important in one of her pockets at all times, or she’s trying to be discrete about getting off in public. I even like her regardless of the fact that she sings about cross-eyed bears. Those are  the lyrics, right? Right?!

That being said, this post isn’t actually about Alanis but rather inspired by her. It may sound jabby but remember, I already said that I liked her, so it is okay.

You all know her little song about “irony” (also known as things that are unfortunate). With all due respect, I can think of a few things that are worse than a free ride when you’ve already paid. If the ride is free you probably don’t want it anyway. Bam!

Here are five things worse than the original “Ironic” lyrics, because I am clever like that:

1. Ten thousand knives when all you need is a spoon. Think about it. It is way more painful to eat soup with a knife than to cut your PB&J with a spoon.

2. Your wedding day… in general. Zing!

3. A traffic jam when you’re already late to your last-chance court date. You’re going to jail, and it looks like someone else is going to have their hand in your pocket. No, probably just completely in your pants without your discretion.

4. Just a “no smoking” sign.  Obviously I haven’t quit yet.

5. Meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting all five  of his wives.  Say what you want, I just wasn’t brought up that way.

BONUS VLOG: About junk. The kind in your drawers. Not drawers as in underwear. Pervert.

becca cord signature

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