The Art of Airbrushing

It is not often that I cross the threshold of beauty salons, let alone get excited about being forced to have my hair and make up done for an event. This past weekend I stood in a wedding. For the most part, it was eerily calm, the bride was happy, and no one’s dress miraculously didn’t fit. However, there was one part of the day’s events that is still haunting me.

Have you ever heard of the art of airbrushing? Let me jog your memory.

worst airbrush t-shirt

Oh Dina… no.

You remember this classy form of painting now, right? The creations are limitless and the colors really pop in ways that even artists like Georgia O’keeffe just couldn’t quit grasp. Now, take this airbrushing concept and think about what it would be like if you could apply it to your face.

I am not teasing you, it can be done. I experienced it first hand.

You are probably scrambling to Google “airbrush make-up artists near me, ” but please continue to read before you book an appointment. This once in a lifetime opportunity to have your make-up painted on like a cheap, middle of the mall t-shirt is something for which you should really mentally prepare. I can tell you what to expect.

1. The artist who is going to be painting your eager canvass is going to be way prettier than you. Mostly because her make-up will be flawless, but she doesn’t “practice airbrushing on herself,” and she’s telling the truth. It’s just a thing artists do, it doesn’t say anything about the art form’s quality. No, not at all.

2. Unless you have frequently had your head sprayed with a fire extinguisher, prepare to slightly piss your pants when she applies her obnoxious tool to your face. It will happen more than once.

3. The artist will likely compliment your perfect eyebrows and then immediately proceed to “enhance” them for about ten minutes with what I deferred to be a Sharpie pen.

4. Airbrush make-up is literally a breathtaking art form, mostly when you forget to close your mouth and hold your breath during the application of Pumpkin Rot No. 3 to your “voluptuous” cheek bones.

5. Most artists like to save their work for a big reveal once they are completely finished, you know, as opposed to letting you see what they are doing until it’s too late to punt the airbrush gun and make a run for it.

In the end, you will most likely look similar to this:

dog with eyebrows

Expression included

Or this:

cat in makeup

Breathe, you are just experiencing shock.

Obviously, you know what needs to be done. Go dig up that old airbrush t-shirt with Tweety Bird on it and go get your face dyed like an Easter Egg. Until next time Flysters, I will be exfoliating my face with Comet.

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About becca3416

Becca Cord is a twenty-something year old southern ballerina turned humor writer and video editor. Having lived in Louisiana her entire life, she is now perusing her travel dreams while starting her own free-lance Web Marketing business and organizing a nation wide blogging event, Blogger Interactive. She believes one of her callings is making people laugh, and she intends to do so. You can find Becca on her personal blog, Facebook page, or Twitter @becca25tofly.

Posted on March 17, 2014, in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 42 Comments.

  1. But, Becca, you’re pretty enough to not need makeup in the first place! Please don’t put yourself through such torture in the future, ok?

  2. Wait, does this mean we aren’t getting matching airbrushed t-shirts for BI 2015?

    I have also had my makeup airbrushed on, and it was the strangest experience of my life. It was in my eyes and mouth and nostrils. Two days after I had it done, I sneezed and makeup came out.

    Your “after” eyebrows are frightening.

  3. I was airbrushed for my sisters wedding and sneezed foundation for days. I am pretty sure my sinuses were just as pretty as my face. Forget your skin actually breathing through the stuff either. I needed paint thinner to get it off. It’s definitely not my thing. If looking “flawless” means being bukkaked by all manner of color, contour, and blush I’ll pass.

    • You know, now that I am thinking about it, I have been sick ever since yesterday morning. I probably inhaled that shit and got myself some rare lung eating bacteria. You are so right. It’s meant to make you look perfect but you just end up looking nothing like you at all.

      Fuck. That.

  4. I thought you were exaggerating! I assumed you meant it FELT like airbrushing– but you’re telling me they actually used something to spray gunk on your face? This is getting all Toddlers and Tiaras and I’ve sworn that shiz off…

  5. FINALLY, A NEW POST FROM BECCA CORD!
    I’M SO GIDDY-AS-A-SCHOOLGIRL, I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT THIS POST WAS ABOUT BUT I BET IT ROCKED!

    Okay, I’m all right now… I think.

  6. I’ve airbrushed peoples faces before.
    Granted, it was with beer and tequila when they said something funny while I was drinking, but it was really funny, so…

  7. I can’t stop looking at the dog, and laughing my ass off. Laughing and being a bit under the weather doesn’t really go hand-in-hand. However, the laughing is worth it. Ok. I need to get back to that dog.

    • Oh god. I have been laugh coughing all day. Good thing no one can see me. I look like a troll with my eyebrows that still haven’t come off and all the hacking/giggling.

  8. i hope they can incorporate that puff-paint fad (I had a Tweety bird that was painted on then ironed to create the 3-D puff effect).. Well, where’s the before and after picture??

  9. love, esp. the kittie face. That is my goal.

  10. love! esp. the kittie face.

  11. Talk about a nightmare come true! Nooooo!

  12. Oh, this sounds awful! I want to see a picture, although the ones you provided are hysterical.

  13. I am choking just reading about it. Do you have any before and after pix to polish the end?

  14. I have also seen many airbrushed license plates on the front of cars. Usually with a girlfriend’s name or the logo of a favorite sports team or sometimes that silhouette of a girl in a bathing suit leaning back on her hands and some kind of sunset in the background. For me, it symbolizes the 80s.

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