Sleeping with The Enemy

I’m not really one to make rules for myself. I’m a go-with-the-flow kind of gal. I’ll try almost anything once, and I rarely freak if a risk I take doesn’t end in my favor. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t certain standards by which I live. Let me explain.

I don’t let just anyone or anything into my bedroom. My bed is a cone of trust. You don’t get to enter it, especially with me, unless I know that you won’t betray me. It’s a Becca law that I have always honored.

cat in bed like human

Jack = Allowed

This being said, something has happened to this law. I have broken it.

You see, it has turned cold here. It’s wet, lonely, and miserably freezing. I find myself perpetually squatted by a cheap space heater, while the oven is on broil and gaping open. Jack has begun to look at me like I’m some sort of weak, pathetic, cold-blooded varmint. I’ve also come to despise my bed. While the blankets surround me with warmth, that warmth stops conveniently above my waist. I need to regain feeling. I need to feel something in my toes again, if you know what I mean.
I just can’t take it anymore.

I did something. I invited strange company under my covers. I needed to wake up engulfed, even if I was only pretending. I wanted to forget the cold sting in my heels, even if it was just for one night.

I slept with socks.

sleeping with the enemy

Sorry Mom.

I let them encompass my feet all night long. They rode up and down my ankles shamelessly all night, waking me in agony and bliss all at the same time. I felt violated and wrong but so utterly warm. At one point, I think I even broke a sweat

It all started a week ago when I accidentally fell asleep with them on. I wasn’t something I meant to do. It was not planned. When I woke up, I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was also extremely itchy, which intensified the churn in my tummy. Guilt set in quickly as I violently kicked the socks from my feet.

As the fuzzy intruders fell to the floor, I felt relief… until the next night.

Again, I began drifting off to sleep when I briefly awoke to glance down towards the foot of my bed. There they were again, yet I did nothing to say no. I needed them. I wanted them. And as morning approached, I found myself in the same tornado of sheets and blankets, angrily wrestling the smothering socks off of my feet.

At first, it was just an affair that I allowed to happen. It was purely physical. But somewhere in the whirlwind affair, I began to feel attached. Like they were a part of me. I know this, because I just realized that they are still on my feet as I sit here typing this.

Do they feel the same way? Probably not. If anyone needs me, I’ll be doing the walk of shame…

In my socks.

I’ve also started a weird relationship with a onesie. Check it out on Beccatube here or in the sidebar. I’m beyond help.

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About Becca Cord

Becca Cord is a twenty-something year old southern ballerina turned humor writer and video editor. Having lived in Louisiana her entire life, she is now perusing her travel dreams while starting her own free-lance Web Marketing business and organizing a nation wide blogging event, Blogger Interactive. She believes one of her callings is making people laugh, and she intends to do so. You can find Becca on her personal blog, Facebook page, or Twitter @becca25tofly.

Posted on December 11, 2013, in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 51 Comments.

  1. On the rare occasions I do sleep in socks, my feet don’t actually get warm.

    Onesies on the other hand are an incredible invention. Providing they don’t have feet in them, of course.

  2. I have to wear socks in the winter, or I freeze.

  3. Becca,
    The truest indicator of a truly gifted writer is the ability to establish a connection with one’s audience. If a writer can make the mundane engaging there is no limit to what they can accomplish.

    Congratulations, Ms. Cord.
    You are now a writer of the highest order who can stand proudly – in long johns or a onesie – beside the likes of The Bloggess or Kelly Oxford.
    I’d be so jealous if i wasn’t so evolved.

    By the way, your “onesie shuffle” is hit with my colleagues. You need to discover the key to making it go viral. If “What Does The Fox say” can do it….

  4. this is shameful…but we will keep it on the down-low! Bundle up. :-)

  5. Becca,
    Socks, long johns, wool caps, and even mitts are where it is at when winter camping which is all good practice for the next mid-winter power black out. I’m also the guy who declares socks inside sandals acceptable when motorcycling……I know, I know, I’ll never find love. :(
    RR

  6. How did you do it? No matter how cold I am, I just cannot handle socks in bed. Those little puppies need their freedom!

  7. I’ve never let socks in my bed, and I never will. It’s unnatural. Next people will be sleeping with hats and gloves on.

  8. I never used to sleep with socks on. Then I thought that having warm feet would help me sleep better. I think it has helped a little. But I still don’t sleep all that well. So maybe they haven’t made any difference whatsoever.

    • I like your logic. Or unlogic. Who knows.

      I am just going to get an old fashion bedpan. Yeah. That’s what I’ll do.

      Look out for headlines like, “Blogger Burns Alive in House Fire.”

  9. Are you insane?! Don’t you know that’s how people contract lint?

  10. I don’t like the feeling of sleeping in socks, but I love my hot water bottle with the fluffy cover, every cold night, oh yes!

  11. An electric blanket will solve all your problems. Add wine, chocolate and a good book and you might never get out of bed again. Or be daring and use it on the couch. The cat will LOVE it, too :-)

  12. Becca, I sleep with fuzzy socks on. Actually, I start with them and then I peel them off! You’re funny! Jack looks positively adorable under those blankets.

  13. What would happen if you wore long john to bed or just got an electric blanket ?

  14. Sometimes you just have to live life dangerously. Rules smules.

  15. I’d never let mine go if I didn’t have to. Every morning is filled with dread as I slip them off.

  16. Even if the temperature in my room is approaching the temperature of Greenland, I still just stick to the old boxers. I just pile on more and more blankets…until it becomes a mountain of blankets and comforters that you would have to call a rescue party to dig you out from.

    Sleeping in costumes is probably a no go too!

    • So basically it is like the princess and the pea, and you are the pea? Did I get that right?

      Admittedly, I did sleep in my onesie once. I couldn’t write about it here. Too racy.

      • I don’t think a movie called, “The Hairy, Brown Princess” would join the list of “Legendary Disney’ Princess Characters”. So a pea might fit me better.

        And admittedly, I am a bit worried in regards to this slippery slope you are on. First the gateway…long johns, then comes cat shirts and socks, onesies, and finally…adult diapers and a panda costume.

        Break the cycle. Remove the socks!

        • OH. MY. GOD. You’re right. How did I not see this coming?!

          In swear, if anyone gives me socks for Christmas, I’m moving over seas and changing my name. I might even dye my hair red or something…

  17. My girl has been known to come to bed with her fuzzy slippers on. But she also gets criminally cold feet.

  18. Wonderful post as always. Its good to be back blogging after months at sea I’ll have to catch up on your posts. This one hit home – sleeping on the yacht in a Sicilian winter, socks, thermal underwear and two duvets

  19. I can’t sleep in socks or with a shirt on, no matter how cold I get. That’s partly why I’m not real fond of camping.

  1. Pingback: The Snugg: Not to Be Confused With The Snuggie | 25ToFly

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