Brain Putty

Today, I had somewhere to be. Today, I planned to get up early, shower, put on a nice pair of dress pants and a top that says “I’m important” and print out a crisp resume. Today, I went in search of part-time work.

I woke up promptly to my alarm. I only snoozed three times, which had me impressed with me already. Unfortunately, the rest went south quickly. Kind of like it did for that reptilian intruder Jack gobbled down with delight right in front of my face the other day. Cats, what are you going to do right? At least I didn’t have to touch it.

I rolled out of bed to head for the shower. I reached for my bedside lamp.

Click. Click, click. Shit, no spare light bulbs. Oh well.

As I sauntered into the bathroom ready to get my fresh and clean on, a similar instance occurred.

Click. Click, click. Shit, these light bulbs too? That’s a bizarre set of coincidental light bulb failures.

Why I didn’t immediately realize that the power was mysteriously out is beyond me. Brain putty. Regardless, I gathered three candles from the kitchen, lit them, and arranged them on the toilet tank before turning on the water. I’ll tell you this, showers by candlelight at 9 am can go one of two ways, and weirdly in my case, both ways at once. One outcome ends in you feeling very romantically appreciated by yourself.  The other ends with you yanking back the shower curtain every thirty seconds assured that you will be inches away from the face of an intruder wearing an evil bunny mask with a crossbow aimed for your eyeball. I happened to experience both simultaneously, which was… confusing, terrifying and sexy all at once.

After surviving my emotional ping-pong match, I dried off and opened the window in my room for some natural light. Then, I reached for my blow dryer, plugged it in, and set forth confidently to blow dry my hair. Apparently, I needed to research how electricity works, so I towel dried my hair and fired up the lap top. Brain putty.

What is wrong with my internet? Is everything going to crap out on me today?

These were my legitimate thoughts as I stomped down the stairs to inspect the router. My brain putty sloshed against my skull as I discovered that routers too require an outlet. Who knew? Apparently I used to know.

I continued on attempting to groom myself in my current free prison, but you wouldn’t know it by the looks of my hair. Just as I was feeling smug for dressing myself using the necessities of a cave woman, I realized I was forgetting one thing. I needed to print my resume. Funny how The Office marathon that I engaged in the night before had failed to remind me I needed paper. But anyhow, I marched right up to my printer to find that there were just a few slivers of tree left in the tray. Score. Just as I plugged in the USB and searched for the print option, there it was again. Brain putty.

Moral: Outlets require electricity. If your power is out, so are your outlets. All of them. They won’t work. Not for your hair dryer, not for your router, and certainly not for your printer either. You’re welcome.

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About becca3416

Becca Cord is a twenty-something year old southern ballerina turned humor writer and video editor. Having lived in Louisiana her entire life, she is now perusing her travel dreams while starting her own free-lance Web Marketing business and organizing a nation wide blogging event, Blogger Interactive. She believes one of her callings is making people laugh, and she intends to do so. You can find Becca on her personal blog, Facebook page, or Twitter @becca25tofly.

Posted on September 20, 2013, in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 26 Comments.

  1. Oh yes, the joys of no power. Life is sometimes incredibly nasty, isn’t it?

  2. ” I’ll tell you this, showers by candlelight at 9 am can go one of two ways, and weirdly in my case, both ways at once. One outcome ends in you feeling very romantically appreciated by yourself. The other ends with you yanking back the shower curtain every thirty seconds assured that you will be inches away from the face of an intruder wearing an evil bunny mask with a crossbow aimed for your eyeball. I happened to experience both simultaneously, which was… confusing, terrifying and sexy all at once.”

    GREATEST LINES YOU’VE EVER WRITTEN! WICKEDLY HILARIOUS AND MORE THAN WORTHY OF ALL CAPS!!

    Okay, I’m glad I got that out of my system….

  3. Haha, oh man! That’s the morning for ya, I would have been screwed without the kettle for my morning coffee!

    And I have a hard enough time relaxing in the shower for fear of psychos even with the lights on. I don’t think I’d find the candles all that romantic…

    So I guess the job hunting was postponed huh?

    Rohan.

  4. this past summer, the power company was replacing nearly all of the “telephone” poles (not sure why we still call them that, but okay) in my area of town. about once a week i got a call from the company saying that the power would be out from about 11pm until about 4am. of course, it was done during the summer, and of course it was almost always a horribly hot and humid night. i don’t mind that the AC was out, but that also meant the ceiling fans were out too. i can go all winter without heat, and i can go all summer without AC. but dammit, i need my ceiling fans!

    i like candles. i have more yankee candles than most males should have.

  5. I could SO picture you doing the sassy/scared dance while taking a shower. “Ohhhh how lovely is this candle Liii…oh my gosh someone’s there! Oh valse alarm. Where was I? Oh yeah. liiiiighhtssss!…I swear someone is standing there!”

    Hehe :)

    I haven’t experienced a power outage here yet, only when the oven suddenly decides to get too hot and shuts down, taking everything that is connected on the same elecricity route thingy with it. Rude, I say. I almost ruined my cupcakes last time.

    I like the word brain putty!

  6. Haha, it’s so funny how your brain just takes everything for granted in that situation. Our water cut out due to a burst pipe recently and I thought “I’ll just nip to the outside tap and get some water for the kettle” – like that would work for some reason?! Haha, so weird.

    • Ha! Yes! I have had the same experience with water being out as well. When I moved out of a rent house a few years ago, I had the water shut off and then immediately went over to clean it. D’oh!

  7. Ahhhhhh, Brain Putty….happens to me all the time! lol

  8. If I get my long-distance time machine working and I sent you back to 1885, you are so screwed.

  9. It is frightening how dependent we have become on these damn things

  10. The same thing happened to us recently. Want milk for breakfast. No go. Coffee. Nup. Tv… No not going to work either.
    Then 2 nights ago it happens. We played all our mobile devices til they said the battery was low so we went to bed…

  11. You need to stop having all night ragers.

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