Please Welcome Back Z: The Fugitive
By popular demand, I am back! Well, that was actually my demand to Becca; to write another blog for me to have something entertaining to read today. When she failed to meet that demand, I decided it better to write my own and use her webspace to host the story I am about to tell. I posted the shortened version on my Facebook yesterday and received a bountiful seven “likes” that left me quite disappointed. So, instead I am going to use Becca’s immense following to help me bask in the glory of what I accomplished. After this is finished, I am going to Nevada to find a cavern where I can further retell my story by the use of finger paintings on cave walls.
On March 28th, I purchased a house to make me feel more grown up. I have spent the weeks since transferring all of the money from my bank account to Home Depot and Lowe’s to prove that I am no handy man and should have left everything the way I found it. This past weekend, my girlfriend and I made the official move. So Monday, I made my first trip on my new route to work.
My normal driving routine is windows down, music up, cigarette in one hand with cell phone in the other and my seatbelt safely dangling behind my left shoulder. I passed the local high school dodging teenagers and the 73 school busses it evidently takes to deliver them to campus. At the next red light is where the excitement picked up. I used the right turn/merge/dodge lane to turn the corner past a Jack In The Box and there are four, I repeat FOUR, East Baton Rouge Sherriff Officers standing on the shoulder of the road. I naturally panicked at the sight, because my driving record has me now counting tickets on my toes.
As I am passing, all four officers run towards me, the closest of which was using his ticket book to flag me down. I did a quick survey of the situation and realized they were all on foot. No cars, no bicycles, no helicopters, no transportation of any sort. So, I did what every somewhat law abiding citizen would have done… I sped up, swerved to dodge the ticket book, and fled like I had actually followed through on my bank robbery dream from the night before.
My first instinct was to pull out my pistol and fire a few shots in the air to add to the effect but decided with the recent school zone that it was probably not the best idea. I continued my twenty minute commute to work spending more time watching my rear view than I was the traffic in front of me. When I was not focused on the mirror, I was looking for side roads I could use to dodge and hide in case I saw flashing lights. I made it to work with no incident and no sign of a cop car the entire way. I exited my vehicle with hands in the air and loudly repeated a lyric from that famous NWA song.
It had always been my dream to outrun the police. Granted, it took me being in a car and them being on foot. But there were four of them, so I saw it as a fair fight. I was so proud that I bragged to the first person I saw. This person just happened to be in buzz-kill mode and asked, “Do you think they got your license plate number?” Since the moment that was brought to my attention, I have not left my office building. If anyone needs me before Friday evening, I will be right here behind the locked janitor closet door. Come Friday evening though, I am making a trip to go see Becca, and not even a North Korean nuke could keep me from that!
Editor’s Note: Show Z some love in the comments y’all. He’s a sensitive guy as you can see. Or you could call the cops with an anonymous tip. The choice is yours. Just don’t give them my address. See y’all next week Flysters!
- Beyond the Hem & into the Johns W/ Becca from 25tofly (25tofly.com)
- Close Enough (25tofly.com)
Posted on May 2, 2013, in Humor and tagged 25tofly, Becca Cord, breaking traffic laws, cops on foot, evading the cops, fugative, Funny, home ownership, housing a fugative, humor, life, Z on 25tofly. Bookmark the permalink. 37 Comments.