All Work and No Play Makes 25toFly a Dull Blog

Um.  Hi?  Excuse me.  Sorry to bother you.  Just wanted to introduce myself.  I’m Becca’s Blog.  That’s right, the one responsible for all of the shenanigans and emotiporn that she told you about on Wednesday. It’s me.

Recently, she was talking to this guy.  Not sure of his name or which one, but she was talking to this guy about her blog.  More like listening to this guy complaining about how much time she spends on her blog, and then he said something like, “Becca, it’s like your blog is taking on a life of its own.  It’s not a child.  It’s just a stupid page where you write stuff.  It’s not like it’s important or anything, is it?  What?  Facebook isn’t enough for you?”

You should have seen her face when he said that.  She was like, OMG and quickly like slammed down her laptop.  Fucking hurt, man.  So I could tell she was really pissed that someone might have figure out that – yeeaahh – her blog – me – has a life – my life – of its own – MY own – for a long time now.  And I’m getting kind of sick of everyone thinking of her as this fabulous blogger when really it is all me.  The blog with a life of its own.

eric bana

Here is an accurate depiction of what I would look like if I were human. I, Becca’s blog, would be a dude. See penis envy quote below.

I mean, you should see her lately.  Mailing it in.  Just sits on the sofa, skanky long johns, one hand holding a cigarette, and you do NOT want to know where the other hand is.  And what’s with the long johns?  Some form of penis envy?  Then she’s doing shots of Jim Beam, flicking ashes on Jack, and watching numbers roll up on WordPress while I’m doing all of the damn work.  “Life of its own.”  You heard the dude.  Well, you didn’t.  I did.  She did too, but she won’t admit it. I’m tired of this shit.  Her getting all the credit.  Enough.  My turn.  For lots of things.

So I thought about it this morning while watching her waking up.  Attempting to wake up.  Drool on the wood floor where she passed out last night.  Luckily, she passed out while the laptop was still open so I could see it all.  “The Artist Artificially Known as Firecrotch” is trying to figure out two things.  First, “Am I under water?”  and second, “ Shouldn’t there be bourbon in this water?”  I’m telling you, there’s something touching about watching a 20-something woman, still toasted from last night, wearing only a backwards Mickey Mouse t-shirt, and looking at herself in the mirror trying to think. At least she’s pretty.

So she finally yanks herself off of the floor.  She just kept walking around like she was trying to remember where her keys were.  Between sips of Diet Coke, she kept looking around like something was on the tip of her tongue but she couldn’t quite place it.  Then she leaves about fifteen minutes late, never even puts the TV on, and I don’t get my morning dose of Soledad O’Brien on CNN.  I’m into Latino chicks.  They got attitude, especially Soledad.  She needs a few burgers, but she’s got potential.  You know who really needs a basket of burgers is Erin Burnett.  I could pick a lock with her legs.  She’s pretty, but at certain angles she looks like Steve Carell in a wig.  No lie.

steve carrell

Erin comes on about 11 at night, right when Becca’s staring at me blankly while doing shots straight out of the bottle. I guess maybe that’s a swig, not a shot?  I need to get out more.

Anyway, I realize you don’t really know exactly what’s happening, so I should try to clear this up.  To be fair, I admit that Becca has been a fabulous writer/blogger.  Key words:  has been.  But her poor little brain is getting overtaxed.  I’ve seen smoke seeping out of her ears.  She spends so much time on me that she really is lacking an actual life.  I’m all about helping.  MY version of helping.  And I’m going to ease her burden a bit by taking on more of these blogging duties myself.  Most mornings she doesn’t really remember the night before, so she’ll probably just think she wrote these posts anyway.

I’m also going to attempt to inject a little fun into her boring-ass existence.  Goes to work.  Goes to the bar.  Talks to the old guy at the bar.  Searches her closet for something to wear on her head.  Pictures of her cat.  Jim Beam.  More Jim Beam.  So consider this a bit of a French Revolution.  Not French.  What’s the word for the French influence in the New Orleans area?  Not Cajun.  Dammit, I know there’s a word for it.  I suck.

Oh shit.  Jack’s giving me a signal.  I think she’s home.  I better get back before she notices anything.  Soooo – quick summary.  Now that I’ve figure out how to remove myself from the computer and take a little more control of things, I’m just going to light a fire under this girl’s round ass and have a little fun.

I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?

blog hijack

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About becca3416

Becca Cord is a twenty-something year old southern ballerina turned humor writer and video editor. Having lived in Louisiana her entire life, she is now perusing her travel dreams while starting her own free-lance Web Marketing business and organizing a nation wide blogging event, Blogger Interactive. She believes one of her callings is making people laugh, and she intends to do so. You can find Becca on her personal blog, Facebook page, or Twitter @becca25tofly.

Posted on February 8, 2013, in Humor, Silly and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 104 Comments.

  1. Oh crikey. Blogs have intelligence? Mine is probably going to sue for neglect. Erm, dear Becca’s blog, do you mind not speaking to mine just yet, please? I’m sure you won’t mind, as you’ll be off out on the town and stuff to work out having a life of your own. Just ’til I get my own backside into gear and write some posts, you know?

  2. The HOOK (http://youvebeenhooked.wordpress.com/) said this was a good blog… HE WAS RIGHT! I love your WRITE Becca. Keep it up. I’m reading ya GF. :)

  3. Missy, I wanted to comment earlier but I was too tired. I totally get this! I think your blog is in good hands! Anyway, not to worry. I’m feeling like there are many are aligned in this way right now. I’m sensing a lot of burnout. That’s bound to happen at some point. Everything and everyone needs to recharge.

  4. Dear Mr Blog,
    You are hot.
    Love, David.

  5. Maybe you can get a second blog and have them fight it out over you, so that they don’t feel so superior to you. (I hope your blog is not reading this…)

  6. Is your blog capable of pooping on said asshole guy? I’d highly recommend it.

  7. You and your blog sound like you need a change, a vacation from the everyday. Road trip! Head west, I’m sure you could crash with Giggs.

    If no road trip, then get inspired. Read an author who makes you laugh, discover new movies, hit up a comedy club. Just don’t waste time chatting with condescending assholes who make you question what you enjoy. Remember, I’m happy to slash a few tires, you just let me know some names.

  8. Never have I heard such a phrase ‘a stupid page where you write stuff’ written with regards to a blog. I’m utterly gobsmacked!
    Becca, I think your blog is trying to take control here, I can’t see you saying such a thing. Remember us, remember your friends, Becca… take back the control. FZZT! Ouch! Ulp… your blogs decoded my secret message… FZZT! OUCH!

  9. All I keep reading is, “I need a man, or a woman who can get me into trouble.” Becca you have your whole life ahead of you, go rob a liquor store or take candy from a baby!

  10. Whoever told Becca that she shouldn’t be spending so much on her blog is insane. I say if you aren’t spending at least 25 hours a day on it, you aren’t spending enough time. You can eat and sleep while blogging.

  11. For a hot guy your blog is actually pretty charismatic! I was very impressed with your blog and I am interested to see what he does with this page! Hopefully you can rest up and maybe have a battle blog post with him to see who should ultimately run the page :)

  12. I was very impresed with your blog.
    Up until he couldn’t figure out how to use a browser to watch Soledad.
    A computer that watches TV on the TV?
    Ha!

  13. There really needs to be a new word. “Blog” has such connotations of being pathetic that I really hesitate to ever call it that to people. I don’t want the “Hey, good for you, sport. Great you have a hobby” look.

  14. Oh gawd I have blog envy. How have I not figured out who my blog looks like??

    “Facebook isn’t enough for you?” Puh! My hub says something similar, when I complain about people making constant status updates. He says, “Well you’re asking people to read entire BLOG POSTS.” And then I’m all, “Yeah, but that takes EFFORT. I’m asking for people’s time for something I worked hard on …Okay well sometimes I dial it in. …SHUT UP.”

  15. Our blogs should go out and get drinks while we get some rest.

  16. You have the craziest way of admitting to being a crazy person.

    Want my advice? No? Okay then.

    Take a break, don’t stress, best things come to those who wait, blah blah blah.

    Too much time on a blog? Maybe you should become one of those jerks who goes around clicking “Like” on everybody’s blogs even though we all know they didn’t read any of it. Funny because we all know who those people are and we’re pretty smart in knowing not to bother with them.

  17. Dear Hal, the could be murderous blog,

    I have a problem called life and to really narrow it down…work. Can you contact my blog and get him (or her) to do the same. I need more subject matter and this work crap is weighing me down.

    Oh yeah, can you contact my car too? I always thought K.I.T. was pretty cool (except for the whiny, wimpy voice), so a self-driving vehicle would help me out as well.

    Thanks,

    Over-worked, human blogger.

    • I would be more upset with my blog for bashing the living hell out of me in this post, but then again, at least he let me have access to answer comments and defend myself. I too am an over-worked, human blogger. We should form a support group and let our blogs write themselves at our expense. At least there will be continuous content, right?

      • Don’t offend your blog! You never know what his true plans are…

        I agree about the support group. I also have to find some way to become one of those fancy pants bloggers. You know, the ones that wake up and check the $$$ in their accounts from ad views. Then have Watson make their eggs benedict before a hard day of churning out frivolous content.

        Meanwhile, people like us are being pressured by upper management to make the employees work more harder, not give them enough of a raise, and not hurt themselves in the process. Then they force us to drive around in golf carts instead of a Denali that we deserve!

        Man…the group has a lot to cover.

  18. Get out there and live, Becca!
    Then again, I’ve been out there for forty-two years (Where did the damn time – and my hair line – go?) and trust me, when I say this: you’re not missing all that much…

    Then again, you could use SOMEONE ELSE’S hand down your long johns. That certainly wouldn’t suck…

  19. Bloody hell. That paragraph before your photo, Mr. Blog, is so damn sexy.

    I’m sorry, I had to say that. Also, I’m currently listening to this https://soundcloud.com/the-apple-scruffs/i-wanta-do-something-freaky-to (coincidence, I swear) which might be why I am in this mood.

  20. Dearest Becca’s Blog,
    Please get Becca back together. It sounds like she’s turning into an alcoholic. Tell her I missed her this past YouTube Tuesday. It wasn’t the same without her. If you need any help, let me know. I’d hate to see such a promising blogger drink her talents away.

  21. Yep. We definitely need a 12 step program for blogging. At least your blog is a really hot dude, Becca. Mine is more of a whiny, demanding princess. Or wait. I might be the whiny, demanding princess…

  22. Do you know (does anyone know?) that the tags are useless if you use too many of them? I saw it written down ONCE that WordPress had changed their limit to 14. For example searching for your name gives only 3 hits. None of them on your blog. I’ve also kind-of gathered that any tag over two words is useless also. I don’t know it that helps.

  23. now i can’t jerk off to erin burnett without thinking about “kelly clarkson!”

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