Lyrical Interpretations and Junk

Some musicians just have it, you know. That spark that let’s them enter a part of our brains in which they can do no wrong. It doesn’t happen often, but when it happens to me it is sort of otherworldly. The rhythm of the songs don’t get old, even the most asinine lyrics make sense, and I begin to think every album was written specifically for me.

For example, I give you Alanis Morissette. First of all, her name is fucking Alanis. That is the kind of name that makes the Sarahs, Lindseys, and Beccas  of the world feel like lemmings. Then there is her voice. Hurry, think of someone else who sounds like her (okay, besides that Meridith Brooks girl). You can’t.

alanis morissette meme

Keanu, you think of everything.

So you get it, I like Alanis.

I like her regardless of her blatant misuse of the word ironic. I like her regardless off the fact that she either has something very secret and important in one of her pockets at all times, or she’s trying to be discrete about getting off in public. I even like her regardless of the fact that she sings about cross-eyed bears. Those are  the lyrics, right? Right?!

That being said, this post isn’t actually about Alanis but rather inspired by her. It may sound jabby but remember, I already said that I liked her, so it is okay.

You all know her little song about “irony” (also known as things that are unfortunate). With all due respect, I can think of a few things that are worse than a free ride when you’ve already paid. If the ride is free you probably don’t want it anyway. Bam!

Here are five things worse than the original “Ironic” lyrics, because I am clever like that:

1. Ten thousand knives when all you need is a spoon. Think about it. It is way more painful to eat soup with a knife than to cut your PB&J with a spoon.

2. Your wedding day… in general. Zing!

3. A traffic jam when you’re already late to your last-chance court date. You’re going to jail, and it looks like someone else is going to have their hand in your pocket. No, probably just completely in your pants without your discretion.

4. Just a “no smoking” sign.  Obviously I haven’t quit yet.

5. Meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting all five  of his wives.  Say what you want, I just wasn’t brought up that way.

BONUS VLOG: About junk. The kind in your drawers. Not drawers as in underwear. Pervert.

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About becca3416

Becca Cord is a twenty-something year old southern ballerina turned humor writer and video editor. Having lived in Louisiana her entire life, she is now perusing her travel dreams while starting her own free-lance Web Marketing business and organizing a nation wide blogging event, Blogger Interactive. She believes one of her callings is making people laugh, and she intends to do so. You can find Becca on her personal blog, Facebook page, or Twitter @becca25tofly.

Posted on January 30, 2013, in Humor, Music and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 106 Comments.

  1. I’d like to enquire about no. 5 please.

  2. I love number 2! That one is quite unfortunate! As for the vlog question, “What is in your junk drawer?” Well I opened it real quick to answer you (and definitely quick enough so that he-who-is-playing-video games) did not see how bad it really is…and the first thing I found was a confetti gun. Yup one of those guns that makes a ridiculous loud popping sound and shoots confetti literally all over everything…I think I might have a great way to wake someone up in the morning…

    • I now feel extremely compelled to go on a journey in search of a confetti gun. I only showed y’all my junk basket, which has NOTHING on my actual junk drawer… and possible one other junk basket. I like junk baskets. I have a lot of junk.

  3. Would this cross-eyed bear be related to Gladly, from the hymn “gladly the cross-eyed bear”?

  4. I thought her career ended when she left that canadian nickleodeon show.

  5. Whoa, you’ve been stepping up your vlogging game. I give 47 thumbs up!

  6. I was JUST listening to that song yesterday, thinking things like, “Well, if you already paid, then there’s no way for the ride to be free…”

  7. That song always bugged me for that reason. I wonder if she’s all embarrassed by it now? THAT would be ironic.

  8. There’s nothing better than making yourself laugh. That was awesome.
    Alanis was also on “You Can’t Do That On Television”, but you may be to young for that. (Old guy points)
    Five wives is ridiculous! Three is the magic number.

  9. Poor Gumby and Pokey….
    Hilarious – and slightly unhinged – post, Becca! I loved every word and image, pretty much!

  10. Mom and dad walk in while you’re sexing up your toys.

    You: “Well, this is awkward.”

  11. I was always more into “Head Over Heels” song of Alanis. I though you may have been trying to re-enact that song in your video with Gumby and the horse.

  12. Oh, miss, I don’t have Gumby and Pokey in my junk drawer! No fair. That was interesting little dance they did! Nice choice of the music. I enjoyed this, Becca.

  13. Yo you put all up on that shizznit some creepy dope music that got me all wired up as you be playin’ with those toys, man. Word.

  14. Way to um… Play with toys. I have a bunch of crappy old scissors in my junk drawer. I should throw them away.

    • That’s sad. You don’t have one single toy or strange gel in your junk drawer? Only scissors? What are you cutting so much?!!!

      By the way, I just now, today, learned how to properly spell scissors.

      • No mostly old batteries, scissors and scraps of paper. IM so uninteresting I guess. I need a gumby and poky toys. OH and congrats on finally getting spell check. :-P

        • The sad part is that I have always has spell check, but none of my spellings were even picking up that I was trying to spell scissor. So I had to Google. That’s what we like to call bad spelling level 1000.

  15. Becca, you have become a very strange young lady. Still sweet, but very strange. The opening of that video was disturbing on several levels. And really, of all the great singers in this world, you pick Alanis Morrisette. Lordy, Lordy, what is up with you child? HF

  16. Her lyrics are what the meme’s call “first world problems” or what I call “my bitter blog”. Needless to say I also like Alanis.

  17. Well, according to an urban legen or not so legend a guy died for riding a horse belly up, I wouldn’t surprised.

  18. You have more than one basket, don’t you…

  19. I cut everything with a spoon, even gas.

  20. It’s like drinking non-alcoholic beer cuz you wanna get buzzed.

  21. It is rather ironic that Ironic isn’t ironic at all.

  22. I think you need to reword it to, “..Lindseys, Beccas and Sarahs…” I think I feel less like a rodent or doomed conformist than the other 2. Just a hunch. ;)

  23. Plus she is Canadian!

    There are few things more awesome than that,

  24. As a retired sommelier, I do agree with Alanis that a black fly in her Chardonnay sucks. Maybe better in an earthy Pinot Noir to bring out the mild meat flavor. And why she picking on the black flies?

  25. And yet one more reason I like you…:-)

  26. It’s funny, just a few months ago I re-stumbled across Morissette. I’d forgotten how just head-on-collision catchy and engaging she was. “You Oughta Know” has become such a punch line for the burned girlfriend stereotype that it’s easy to forget that the song kind of kicks ass.

  27. Alan is – mmmm….. food for thought there

  28. You so funny. I like Alanis too. Even if she did go out with Dave Courier. Blech. And why are you not putting your mad skillz to use as a lyricist?

  29. 1. Don’t feel bad about your name’s originality. That’s on your parents, not you.

    2. If you meet the man of your dreams and he has one wife, it’s bad because he’s unavailable. If he has five wives…you’ve still got a chance as long as you’re able to share.

  30. i either read or heard her say that the ironic thing about ironic is that none of those examples are ironic. i think she is smarter than the average bear. i do not think that Meridith sounds like her. Alanis has her very own distinct sound that i s uniquely Morissette. No, i never look up the spelling.

  31. Alanis Morrisette is one of my favorites (even if I’m not sure how to spell her name correctly). I like her songs even when they don’t make sense and I like the music. You rock on, Alanis.

  32. his name isn’t “pokey” for nothing.

  1. Pingback: Having an “Alanis” Day… | Is What It is

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