The End

My last post bestowed upon the world can not be a repost about fucking Tuesdays. I just can’t allow that to happen. It’s pathetic. Instead I made a meme, because Jen said they are cool, and we are a power couple, so there.

Keanu end of world

If you are a logical human being, you don’t think the world will suddenly end tomorrow in a clusterfuck of literally earth shattering natural phenomenons that will eventually result in me getting into a plane with John Cusack and an amateur pilot.

I am one of those logical people (reluctantly because I have a serious lady boner for John Cusack).

This doesn’t mean, however, that I will not use the ridiculous prediction to my advantage to get away with all kinds of unacceptable behavior between now and December 22nd. You should take advantage of this too. In fact, I started last night. Here are some examples to give your mind a head-start on coming up with risky ideas.

Last night, I brought sunflower seeds into a bar that does not allow outside food or drink and ate them slowly in front of the bartender. One by one. I then stared him directly in the eye and offered him some.

I drank Jameson on a work night and tipped the bartender 100%.

Today, I plan to eat two sandwiches for lunch. TWO.

I am wearing my casual Friday attire on a Thursday.

Tonight, I will play Hitman on regular difficulty instead of easy. You heard that correctly. Stop crying.

Tomorrow, I intend to work a half day without even minimizing WordPress when someone walks into my office. Fuck the police.

When I get off, assuming the world isn’t planning to randomly commit suicide until after noon, I am changing into my long johns… on the highway, going ten whole miles over the speed limit, and smoking two cigarettes at once.

I will acquire an IV of patron to numb the pain of knowing that I am in denial of the world not ending tomorrow and to forget that there will be consequences to my actions.

I might even get on Chatroulette at some point to make fun of the I-fap-to-the-apocalypse folks out there.

Finally, as the horizon of shattered Earth doesn’t pummel towards me, I will cheers Jack as we exchange I love yous, because in my alcohol poisoning haze, cats will speak.

When the world doesn’t end, and if I live through these perilous activities, I will wake up December 22nd and do it all over again in a trance of celebration and shame.

Don’t worry, I will even announce some comment winners tomorrow if I still have motor skills. Yay! How will you spend your time before the world doesn’t end tomorrow?

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About becca3416

Becca Cord is a twenty-something year old southern ballerina turned humor writer and video editor. Having lived in Louisiana her entire life, she is now perusing her travel dreams while starting her own free-lance Web Marketing business and organizing a nation wide blogging event, Blogger Interactive. She believes one of her callings is making people laugh, and she intends to do so. You can find Becca on her personal blog, Facebook page, or Twitter @becca25tofly.

Posted on December 20, 2012, in Humor, work and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 118 Comments.

  1. I can’t believe I forgot to comment! Well, I’ve fixed that, haven’t I?

  2. If the world ends tomorrow, I will be shocked. Imagine if the Mayans were right but they were two days off in their calculations?? … Aaahhhh I’m freaking myself out now…

  3. Shit. You totally missed the sign-up for my Longjohns Apocalypse Cult.

    Only, mine was about the donuts.

    Next Mayan End-of-World conspiracy, perhaps?

  4. Eating two lunches and slowly eating sunflower seeds in the bar. You rock! I love it.

  5. What’s with your obsession with long johns? Also, my favorite chatroulette video – http://youtu.be/KAQhG59zqZc

  6. When the cats start talking, ask them why they think dogs are their enemies. I mean, sure they are Nan’s best friend and all, but how long are they going to hold a grudge!

  7. You are such a bad-ass… Wearing a casual Friday attire on Thursday. Way to go…
    .

  8. These Mayans could have at least put a time frame on this catastrophe…I mean, they did plot out countless centuries until the last day. Maybe this is where our modern cable installers learned the secret of the open-ended, all day scheduling process?

    The only reason that I want to know a time frame is that tomorrow is the dreaded management Christmas pot luck. Not the group that I want to leave this world with by any stretch.

    • I totally agree. Can we get a set time? If it is before noon I’m not going to work, if it is evening then that would be more convenient. Inconsiderate Mayans. Sheesh.

      • Wait a minute! This could be the ultimate test of the protective nature of the hard hat! If it does not happen at work, wear the hard hat out to any doomsday activities that you may decide to participate in.

        I can not vouch for what kind of men you might attract but at least you will stand out from the other fair maidens.

  9. See you on Chat Roulette!

  10. No, Becca. It’s the beginning of the world :D

    *prances into the night gleefully shaking a tambourine*

  11. You are hardcore. Not even minimizing WordPress when someone comes into your office? Old habits die hard for me. It’s that trigger finger reflex. I guess I have just 24 hours to un-trigger myself.

  12. Wow undeniable logic there. Although this post unlike many others convinces me you’re pretty well adept at the internets and should know its not going to happen (you saying fuck the police to people who walk in on you with the internet browser still open.)

  13. Well I’m throwing an end of the world blog party with the knowledge that the world won’t end, Becca. At the same time, I’m throwing a New Beginnings party, just in case it does end and the survivors have to start again. May as well start at a party! Don’t know who John Cusack is, but he may be there…

  14. The image of you eating sunflower seeds at the bar is great. That bartender probably quit after his shift ended. “This place is getting too rough. That girl came in and ate sunflower seeds at the bar. Sunflower seeds! What was I supposed to do, tell her to stop? She woulda killed me. You didn’t see the look in her eyes, man. You know the thing about a Becca, she’s got…lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eye. Until she bites ya…”

  15. I’ve been laid off so if the world doesn’t end tomorrow, I guess I’ll start looking for a job. Hopefully it does, because if it does and I survive, there should be a lot of openings come Monday morning. Also, maybe you should play Hitman on Hard.

  16. Oh man – My last day, tomorrow: I will get off work at 2am. I will sleep in. I will go to the gym and tell him to add 5 pounds to my benchpress, and I’ll attempt a real pull-up (and fail…)! THEN, I’ll go to work! (which is still exciting because it will only be my 3rd day on the job!), and I’ll be makin’ da mo-net when the world ends!
    And if it doesn’t: I’ll have more money on the 22nd than I did on the 21st! What up! *excitement fest!*

  17. You inspire me! I’m going to shave against the grain! I’m going to make a mountain out of a mole hill. And I’m going to look a gift horse directly in the fucking mouth! I’m feeling all rebelious now! Thanks!

  18. So THAT’S how I can angle the “I ate two Egg Mcmuffin meals” atrocity from this morning. I’m just living life, people!

    BENNIFER 4 LYFE.

  19. Becca,
    How can the world end? We have that lunch date next fall remember?
    RidicuRyder

  20. yes! anarchy! i’m going commando!
    oh, wait. that was my new years resolution.
    for the whole year.
    every year since ’04.

    and – you said “fuck” and “fap.” that’s when commando pays off double.
    oops. sorry ma’am, but you shouldn’t have backed up without looking.

  21. Ahahaha! Love your end-of-the-world rebellion!

  22. I have two monitors in my office. One of the two have either been Gmail for gchatting purposes or WordPress and I haven’t minimized either of them all week. Boom! Living large ’til the end of the world. I’m ready to go tomorrow because “I just don’t need none of that mad max bullshit”

  23. Sunflower seeds in a bar. You are a badass, lady.

  24. The end of the world is me getting on a plane with John Cusack…….and his sister being there.

    DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN!

  25. HAHAHA! I love your meme! :-D

  26. Oh man, I am joining you on this. We should just do the things we want every day, but this gives an excuse to do some of the dumb things we want to do, too!

  27. Chatroulette rocks during holidays, I hope to see you there, I’ll be showing my face not fapping, too old already.
    Second, I hope the world ends tomorrow, I wish it does, I got a loan not too long ago and I don’t feel like paying it back.
    I drink to drinking and IV of Patron.

  28. I’m washing my clothes because I’m out of clean underwear and Lord knows I want to have clean underwear if the world ends. I’m taking Christmas gifts to my CASA kids so they’ll have toys to play with before the world ends. I’ll knit the remainder of the cowl I’m making for my granddaughter just in case the world doesn’t end and I still have to give her a Christmas present. I’ll wait for Fed Ex to deliver the Taylor Swift tickets I bought the granddaughters for their “big” gift–just in case. You got to have a back-up plan.

    • Whoa. You are on top of it all. That reminds me, I have long johns to wash. Dammit! Clean underwear for the end of the world is a requirement.

      When it doesn’t end, can I go to the T-swift concert too? I want to let her whine about men for me some more.

  29. John Cusack is the man! Except for that movie…is a lady boner uncomfortable? Like in public?

  30. Yeah, I got the day off so I’ll probably just hang out on the futon and watch movies on my laptop. I still haven’t decided if I’ll take a shower or not…I mean, conserve water right? Or, take the longest shower ever, cause it doesn’t matter? Oh man…..I’ve got so much to think about now. Bye.

  31. Hmm…you said your post wouldn’t be about Tuesdays, but except for the world ending, you’ve pretty much described my typical tuesday.

    Except for the John Cusack bits. Is Valerie Bertinelli available?

  1. Pingback: So what are you doing with your last day? « The Cheeky Diva

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