Picture This…

Why is there so much badassery going on in the WordPress crib right now? Is everyone not aware that December is supposed to be the Friday of the months of the year? It is supposed to be the free pass month for all things lazy, self-indulgent, and greedy. Y’all are messing that up for me (at least the lazy part), but you know what? It is worth it. Because I love you. There I said it.

Speaking of all things badass, there is yet another event happening that I couldn’t not participate in. Julie and Byronic Man, I am talking to you. I am after your sheets. If those reading this don’t know what I am talking about, that’s a shame, but I’ll forgive you if you visit one of their pages and educate yourself. So generous.

You see, just last night Jack decided to practice his own self indigent behavior. The little fellow wore himself out making confetti of my softest-sheets-ever and didn’t hesitate when he got to the pillow cases. To top it off, like a cherry on top of a resentment sundae, he puked right in the middle of the shredded pile and then pranced off to destroy the rest of my favorite things.

I may not sleep under my sheets, but they are still an integral component of the optimal sleep environment. So, come to think of it, I am not being greedy at all. I need those sheets. Plus, who wouldn’t want to sleep on top of one of Julie’s adorable chipmonks or the hottest guy on WordPress Byronic Man?

As the rules state, I have harnessed every ounce of holiday cheer to bring you the 25toFly Christmas Card. Here it is:

funny christmas 25tofly

A special greeting for you at my family’s expense.

Do you know what it is like to have your photo taken at every worst possible moment? Have you ever experienced the trauma of being blinded by the flash in the middle of your mascara “O” face (you know you do this ladies)? It’s impressive, really. The man you all want to have a beer with so badly can even manage to take a bad picture of himself. You may still like my Dad more than you like me, but if you keep hanging out with him for too long, you can kiss your photogenic-ness goodbye.

bad christmas pics

Dad has been capturing our sweet little distorted mug shots since the 90’s!

As if this post didn’t including enough of y’alls favorite things (my dad, contests, sexy people) I am going to leave this (rough version) here for you to ponder. The placement of mistletoe is in no way suggestive of anything other than the pure Christmas spirit.

fly blog award

Just kidding. It’s sexual innuendo.

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About becca3416

Becca Cord is a twenty-something year old southern ballerina turned humor writer and video editor. Having lived in Louisiana her entire life, she is now perusing her travel dreams while starting her own free-lance Web Marketing business and organizing a nation wide blogging event, Blogger Interactive. She believes one of her callings is making people laugh, and she intends to do so. You can find Becca on her personal blog, Facebook page, or Twitter @becca25tofly.

Posted on December 6, 2012, in Awards, Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 75 Comments.

  1. Are you blond or are you a redhead? I don’t know what to think, anymore!

    • Poor Calahan. I was born blond, but I find red is a much more flattering color now that I am older. Blond fades a LOT when you get older, so it starts to be a pain in the ass to keep blond.

      Like you care.

  2. December may supposed to be a time of slacking, but it’s not been for me for the last 7 years! Working in retail meant the run-up to Christmas was horrible, and now I’m in Community, we have extra prayers each day during Advent. Which isn’t stressful, but does slightly cut into one’s internet time. But once we get to Christmas Day, it’s back to the normal routine. Between now and then, I’m just hoping to stay on top of things. Oh, and clearly to not be photographed by your dad.

    • Good luck my friend! Holidays are stressful in general whether you have a lot to accomplish or not. Just seeing everyone scramble to buy gifts that half of their recipients will never use gets me sweating. This is why I regift and just shop online! I’m just kidding about the regifting, maybe.

      Beware of the dad lens. It’s worse than mom jeans!

      • Your saying about presents – suddenly the vow of poverty and not being able to do presents is kind of a good thing. People will get something home-made or nothing at all. I’ve got to get my family to realise they don’t need to get me much in return though…

        And I’m actually enjoying the extra prayer time – it’s a bit like a small section of calm in the middle of a storm!

  3. Christmas photos of me as a child have yellowed with age. Your photos are sweet and lovely and I appreciate your dad for taking them. Love good Irish Whisky. Hate cats. Sorry. My daughter had the world’s worst cat. I will not tell you about its demise. That is a secret I will take to my grave. Tell you dad I’m hoping he has a “power tool” Christmas. All joy. HF

    • I poke a lot of fun at my Dad, but it is out of so much love. He is the sweetest most sentimental guy I know. That’s him, and I love him.

      I am going to pretend you didn’t say the cat thing.

  4. I’ll never look at Christmas the same way again….

  5. Oh man, chewed the bed up and then puked it right back onto the bed. You just got totally owned by your cat. I mean, that’s pretty epic; I would have challenged him to a sword duel and one of us wouldn’t have returned. Or something.

  6. Your dad takes excellent pictures (just like me), introduce him to Instagram!

    • If the world ends on December 21, everyone will think that the Mayans were correct. But you and I? We will both know that the real reason for the world’s implosion was due to dangerously high upload volume on Instagram by Dadography392.

  7. Okay, PTY. You are giving all of us Holy Sheet contestants a run for our money. Like Amy, I am trying to muster up the courage to participate as well. But the competition look stiff. Just wanted to drop a line to say I think your card is SMASHING!

    • I feel silly because I don’t know what PTY stands for and I even Googled it. Thank you for the compliment! I had to sift through many an awkward moment caught on camera to create this. You don’t need courage, you keep it real. I’d love to see your card!

  8. Sleeping in confetti sounds pretty comfy, really!

  9. And while I am intrigued by the idea of having mistletoe above my bits, there’s no way I’m putting a cat on my bits.
    Especially after the shredding story.

  10. HOW DARE YOU! You put together this beautiful collage, and now the video of me taking a bathtub will never win.

  11. You know what`s missing from your christmas collage? A creepy stalker photo of the Attractive Man in 301 (301? Is that where he lives?) You may say he’s not family…BUT HE WILL BE…after you marry him. Pretty sure he wouldn’t give you a fishing knife.

    That cat photo in your collage is hilarious.

    • You are cracking me up! Didn’t you hear? 301 has a girlfriend. But, I was totally over him before I found that out. I definitely didn’t cry about it or anything and I have no idea why all of my Jameson is gone. Coincidence I guess.

  12. (hand raised) where is the badassery? i mean, are you getting complaints or snarky things in your comments? all i see are rainbows and unicorns and cupcakes. these new pinkish glasses work great.

    • Badass = ultra cool. There are a lot of cool bloggers doing cool things this month. Make sense now?

      • oh, see. i’m old. i thought badassery meant like people being rude to each other. but i should have known that one. 50 is not enough of an excuse. thanks dear. oh, and get my blanket and slippers. what? 3:23? geez, it’s almost dinner time.

        • Almost time for one of those emergency button necklaces .

          • i have an elderly friend who lives about a half hour away and calls me when she falls. she’s about 85, has dizzy spells. no other family in the area. she makes cakes for me occasionally. so when i see her on the floor and have to heave her up, it’s a reminder to take better care of myself. and she’s not a small woman. the hard part is when she’s in what she calls “night clothes” and she’s sloshing all over the place.

            is there a reason i said all that? can’t remember.

          • That makes me sad. I don’t want anyone to get old like that ever again. I am going to work on that.

          • sorry to make you sad, but sometimes sadness spurs us to act. just as when i watch my daughter leave when her step father picks her up from my house. it’s sad, and spurs me to want to learn how to use C4 explosives. see, when you look carefully enough, there’s always a silver lining.

          • You are so smart Rich.

          • i’m not as think as you smart i am.

  13. Becca,
    Well… thank you for directing me here…
    Nothing says Merry XMAS like the star of David.
    Le Clown

  14. I think my husband is secretly being tutored by your dad in the art of horrible photography. When he’s not taking blurry pictures of trees, he’s taking pictures of all 19 of my chins.

    • Something about awful photos is just always hilarious. When I asked my dad to send me a bunch of pictures last night I was almost unrecognizable in 75% of them. That’s how bad they were. I also had a few chins in some of them. That’s THE worst, but we all have double chins if we are in the right awkward positions!

  15. My cats like to knead on the pillows. So my pillowcases have little punctures all over them. Fortunately they leave the sheets alone. Also, I like the “Just kidding. It’s sexual innuendo” snuck in there. I *knew* it!

  16. I think jack was sending you a message. ‘if no one else is shredding the sheets here, ii guess it’s up to me’. Trust me, i speak cat.

  17. Cats and Dads, always lovable, always getting in to things.
    My cat (RIP) took a dump in strategic locations when she was pissed at me. When I moved into a new apartment she disapproved and left a pile right inside the front door…first step in, got me! When I started going out with my lovely wife before we were married my sweet kitty managed to leave a steaming pile under the very middle of my bed. There wasn’t any room under there so she must have really been dedicated to that one. First time my girl slept over the room smelled like catshit all night…romantic…
    Great pictures, hope you get the sheets!

    • That is so typical of a cat (rest her soul). At least your wife didn’t run for the less shitted on hills. Jack “misses” the litter box from time to time. He isn’t fooling me.

  18. Is Jack a nice kisser? I don’t like rough cat tongue.

  19. This is a shining example of the type of card/entry everyone should aspire to if they want any hope of cuddling up with Byronic Man or my chipmunks (ahem). Thank you, Becca, for showing how it’s done.

    And please. Call me Jules. ;)

  20. I’m glad you cleared up that mistletoe thing. Sorry about Jack. Mine has gotten into the habit of wanting to play around 1 in the morning. Lets just say…she doesn’t trust green colored accent pillows any more.

  21. I want to kiss little Jack!! Oohhh. Bad kitty. Playing with the sheets. I don’t know what all the sheet business is. I’ll have to find out. Love the card!

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