The Music of Mustache Make-Outs

Ever since Daan van den Bergh pooped out a glittery faberge egg for me on Twitter, then promoted me to the position of his official sound editor for his blog, I have been skipping like a leprechaun everywhere I go. I am mostly just impressed with him and his wife’s clay molding skills. Oh, and somehow he also talked me into being a make-out whore. I’ll let him explain…

It’s me, Daan.

Obviously it is the month for Movember. To those of you, who don’t know what that is, I am assuming that you are a newcomer and/or are living under a rock.  Read this post. Enlighten yourself.

Now, I want to tell you a story. I’m going to ask you to close your eyes while I tell the story. No, wait. I’m not actually talking. Just read it.

This is a story about an upper-lip enjoying a regular shave, a daily smooth-cut with sometimes a day or two in between. Eleven months pass by as suddenly November races up. The world gets darker each day as a carpet of thick, pointy hair consumes the upper-lip. Can you see it? It’s entangled in wire, caught unwillingly, all alone in the darkness. Can you? I want you to picture that upper-lip.

Now imagine that upper-lip is you.

So, I asked myself: what can I do to make these upper lips feel less lonely? What do you do when a guy feels bad? According to pop psychology, you either take him to a strip club or get him a hooker. I can’t help all of them and although prostitution is legal in my awesome country, it isn’t in the rest of the world. So I needed to come up with an alternative.

That’s why I got the Sound Editor of I Fkkn Rokk Studios (which happens to be the owner of this blog – happy coincidence!) to make-out with the 10 most ridiculous mustaches and share with us what it sounded like!

You’re welcome. Back to you, Becca.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Let’s get this over with to tongue wrestling (all photo credits go to the Ranker.com link above).

Instead of running my fingers through this classy gent’s hair as we played tonsil hockey, I opted to stretch out his curly mustached locks and release them to snap back into their naturally spiraled shape. Kind of like a pug’s tail.

10 most rediculous mustaches

*strrrrrr-bbroingg*

Here we have a clever mustache wearer. He let me use his handle bars as a tool to let him know when I needed a breather. I hung my purse on one side too, you know, so I could use my hands to grope all that complimenting chest hair.

*Crank crank crank*

To hell with making out with this guy, I am using his mustache as a new track for my toy race cars. Who wants to go? Any takers? It worked out well until the wheels kept getting tangled in his bridge mane. The experience also gave a whole new meaning to the term “mustache ride”.

*Vroom vrrrrrrrooooom*

I should have known that making out with this dude was a rash waiting to happen. The things I do for my fellow bloggers. So scarring… in more ways than one.

10 most ridiculous mustaches

*scratchity scratch scratch*

Okay, that’s it. This is where I draw the line Daan. Now I am making out with the back of guys’ heads?  All you are getting out of me on this one is a sprint in the opposite direction. Your skull can stare into my soul all it wants buddy, but I am not eating your creepy mulletstache.

10 most ridiculous mustaches

*pit pat pit pat pit pat*

The rest of your outrageously decorated upper lips are just going to have to deal with the prison you are in until the end of November. Luckily for you, there isn’t much time left. Come December first you will have served your time in the ‘stachetentiary, and I will no longer be subjected to these daunting tasks. Now, excuse me while I go apply ointment to my chaffed face and swear off kissing for ever.

Before you go, be sure to go read the Final Movember Recap on Le Clown’s page. Someone you know may have written it. My Jackstache is also revealed there – the winning mustache from my poll last week.

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About Becca Cord

Becca Cord is a twenty-something year old southern ballerina turned humor writer and video editor. Having lived in Louisiana her entire life, she is now perusing her travel dreams while starting her own free-lance Web Marketing business and organizing a nation wide blogging event, Blogger Interactive. She believes one of her callings is making people laugh, and she intends to do so. You can find Becca on her personal blog, Facebook page, or Twitter @becca25tofly.

Posted on November 21, 2012, in Experiments, Humor, Silly and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 44 Comments.

  1. Hey I love your blog :) Please say hi to the orphan kitten you save now that I’m following :)

    • I just told him you said hi and he puked up a hairball. I am not sure what that means exactly, but it has to be good.

      Thanks so much for following. Glad you enjoy my blog!

  2. Damn, it sure is nice having my Lego-infested face on your frontpage for three days in a row! :P

  3. I won’t sleep for a year. Those mustaches are scary as fuck.

  4. I want a moustach like number three. It seems like a very handy place to hang my glasses at night.

  5. Ive heard that when girls kiss a guy who has a moustache it tickles… Has this been proven with you Becca?

  6. I’d like to see that one guy’s second face. Tell me, if you made out with him, would he count as two make outs?

  7. Funny! You two make quite the team!

  8. Hilarious pics and more blogging greatness from a true cutie pie.. What more could I possibly ask for?

  9. Becca, Daan,
    We did share this post on our Bloggers for Movember Facebook page, right?
    Le Clown

  10. I want a beard and I want it to look like the first guy.

  11. Those mustaches are so ridiculous. I wonder if anything has perched on the 2nd or 3rd?

  12. Complimentary chest hair?! So jealous.

  13. You’ve outdone yourself on this one, Becca. The man that manipulated you into making out with all these mustaches is a true genius.

    Oh, wait. That’s me!

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