I Don’t Always Like Candy, But When I Do…

Fine. I’ll write a Halloween post.

becca hair

Here is my trick, now give me a treat (That means you Tim).

Actually, this post was sparked by The Roller Giraffe and inspired by Halloween, but is really just about candy in general.

I have never been a candy fanatic. I enjoy chocolate from time to time, and I will have a Twizzlers binge once every five years, sure. In totality though, I always was pretty indifferent towards most of it. I said most of it. The following candies were exceptions to the rule for one reason or another.

Now and Later Candy – This was a typical case of wanting what you can’t have. First of all, eating Now and Laters leave your mouth stained and tasting like the selected flavor for hours (hence the name?). There isn’t enough water in the world to unstickyfy your mouth. Then there is the whole task of removing the pieces that become fused to your molars, which occurs simultaneously upon the slightest contact. They are truly an undesirable candy choice for practicality. Still, upon discovering those small blocks of sugar cement, I was always overcome with desire simply because I was forbidden to eat them. You should have gone with a little reverse psychology on that one Mom.

teeth molding

Now and Laters are also widely recognized as a common teeth molding putty alternative.

Werther’s Originals – I once befriended a neighbor kid because her mom kept Werther’s Originals in full stock year round in a generously sized crystal bowl in her living room. I didn’t even get along with the kid, and her mother kind of scared me with her monotone voice and general disinterest in everything. I wasn’t going to let that get in my way though. You better believe that my hooked-on-butterscotch ass was knocking on her door every chance that I got. I am not proud of this time in my life.

Everything I thought I knew changed when I grew up to learn that the candies were not handmade and individually wrapped by some famous butler named Mr. Werther.

Peanut M&M’s – In high school, we were allowed to buy concessions at the end of each lunch period. There weren’t a plethora of options, but I do remember peanut M&Ms being the only candy that I would tolerate. I say tolerate, because I never really wanted to buy concessions. I had ulterior motives. I subjected myself to buy candy every day at exactly 12:35 pm in attempt to place myself in line behind my high school crush. Then I started getting chubby from all the M&M’s and blew my chances with him anyway. I was pretty smart.

green m&m takes it off

How I imagined myself in the concession line.

NOTE: I have changed a lot since those days. For example, I am definitely not still going to the gym five days a week for a record-breaking eight weeks in a row in hopes to have an encounter with some boy in 301.

Pop Rocks – Everyone knows that pop rocks are cool, because they feel like a mini firework show in your mouth, minus the fire. It wasn’t until college that I heard of a much different manner in which these candies were imitating fireworks… in the bedroom. Apparently, the hot thing to do was to sprinkle some rocks on your girl’s lawn and start mowing. I tried to be subtle there. If you are still confused, fire up the Google search. What am I your sex ed teacher?

NOTE AGAIN: For the record, I was never cool enough to test it out, but I do enjoy the intended use of pop rocks. However, this doesn’t mean I won’t get a shit eating grin when I see them in the store.

pop rock kitty litter prank

Then there is always this. Payback is a bitch Jack!

I have had my fair share of candy obsessions, but mostly my kind of candy is adding blue cheese to my salad, drinking whiskey instead of a glass of wine, or dipping my french fries in honey. Everyone has their own indulgences. What are yours?

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

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About becca3416

Becca Cord is a twenty-something year old southern ballerina turned humor writer and video editor. Having lived in Louisiana her entire life, she is now perusing her travel dreams while starting her own free-lance Web Marketing business and organizing a nation wide blogging event, Blogger Interactive. She believes one of her callings is making people laugh, and she intends to do so. You can find Becca on her personal blog, Facebook page, or Twitter @becca25tofly.

Posted on October 31, 2012, in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 110 Comments.

  1. Please, Becca, stay away from men with lots of sweets. There are special registers for people like them. The ones who like to do that sort of thing with Pop Rocks have their own filing cabinet.

  2. You need to look up Tablet. It’s a Scottish delicacy made from sugar, condensed milk, sugar, vanilla flavouring, sugar, a small amount of normal milk, sugar, butter, sugar, and did I mention sugar? One receipe I found online said “not part of any calorie controlled diet”. It’s delicious. It sort of disolves in the mouth. And is also really bad for you. I can eat lots in one sitting, which is also incredibly bad.

  3. Very “sweet” post, Becca!
    BTW, have you finished the book? I can handle any constructive criticisms; believe me, I’ve taken a beating or two over the last few months…

  4. If you do the poprock thing, please make sure that you get agood video. Happy friday!

  5. In grade school I was once a “faux-pal” to a girl because her mother was the best cook! I was always hanging around hoping that I’d get a taste of whatever it was she was making. I used to love Snickers … still do, but I don’t touch candy anymore …

  6. wow! I gave you a real “like,” it wasn’t Lyker. Because I never met anyone who claims to actually like Now & Laters! Those are NASTY.

  7. If I’m feeling jumpy, it’s time for black licorice. Otherwise, I love a simple good piece of bread and butter with a glass of decent wine.

  8. Did your high school crush ever notice you gained weight? “Hey maybe you should layoff the peanut m+ms.” Also I heard somewhere that champagne also has the desired effect that *Ahem the pop rocks do. FYI.

  9. I took candy very seriously in my halloween days. Now I focus on good gin, tequila and I might have a small obsession with olive oil.

  10. Some good sentences in this one. The test of a good writer is taking the mundane and making it interesting. You certainly did that. Well done, young one. HF

  11. dark chocolate, whisky with ginger beer, peanut butter and pickle sandwiches…mmm

  12. My inner Catholic school has her fingers in her ears shaking her head back and forth after reading the pop rocks thing and then my other inner Catholic school girl is saying “That’s nothing.”

    I am so confused inside…

  13. Becca,
    +11 Adorkability. Take that, Timmer.
    Le Clown

  14. Jujy Fruits and licorice candy….yummmmmmmmm

    Hmm….Pop Rocks Sex….HMMMMMMMM

  15. I knew a girl who’s nickname was pop rocks she was an inspiration and when I decided to dance for $$$ Pop Rocks was my stage name. Ahh the good ole days Oh and trust me there are more creative uses for pop rocks. Pop rocks are like a low income womans ways of bedazzling her va-jay jay (vajazzling) :-)

    I dont know why I am telling you all of this. I also dont know why I am drinking a beer at 6am

  16. I’m a little curious about the pop rocks thing. Mostly scared though

    • Me too. I would imagine it would feel like bugs crawling down there. That’s vivid, but so are my brain thoughts.

      I don’t think I’ll ever go there. Thanks, but no thanks. Let’s stick to spanking lol.

  17. Save for the Pop Rocks, which I could take or leave, I don’t agree with anything on this list. Hate butterscotch, hate peanuts, hate all taffy for exactly the same reasons you like Now and Laters. The only thing I can think of that I dislike more than any of these is Skittles.

  18. when i was about 12 i won several boxes upon boxes of “now and later” on the boardwalk. the one that’s still there. i ate them all day, every day for about a week. haven’t been able to even look at them since. twizzlers are my favorite movie candy. ate half a bag last night in “cloud atlas.”

  19. OHHH. Little red riding hood.

    I get it now. Phew

  20. Wow. I have led such a sheltered life. And I don’t even have a boyfriend with whom to experiment with Pop Rocks. Sigh…

    As for indulgences, I once befriended a girl in Europe because I saw her on the Brindisi ferry eating Nutella by the spoonful. Now that is a girl after my one heart, I thought!

  21. Peanut M&Ms rock the house. Plus, they have peanuts in them so they are healthy.

  22. +10 Adorkability.

    And now I am currently working on that thing we discussed a week ago. Now that’s gotta be the treatiest treat that’s ever been treated.

  23. I had to look up what a Now and Later even was. Do I live in a cave at the bottom of a well in another dimension? What’s wrong with me?

  24. Apart from Werthers, Becca, I can leave the rest. Apart from M&Ms, I’ve never heard of any of the others anyway! I’m presuming pop rocks are what we call space dust over here in’th UK… people put it on top of cakes, I believe. I’ve never tried it any other way apart from its intended use. And then only once. It hurt my ears.
    Happy Halloween!

  25. I have a HUGE sweet tooth. It’s scary. At Coldstone Creamery I get cake batter ice cream with brownie, cookie dough, and reese’s cup.

    Speaking of Reese’s Cups, have you ever had a s’more with a Reese’s Cup in place of the Hershey’s chocolate? WAY better. Try it.

  26. I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought that about Pop Rocks. Still, I love those little buggers.

  27. Nutella. I eat DISGUSTING amounts of nutella. Like the giant bottles you see in the store? I can down one of those in a week or so. I’ve been refraining since I got home – it takes a month to go through a bottle as opposed to a week.

    And I hear you on crush stalking. Definitely did my share of that :) When I get a crush again – will still do my share of that ;) hahaha

  28. I always liked those nights after a good long drinking rally, when I went home and popped a Tostino’s pizza in the oven, but first adding on extra cheese and pepperoni. Some nights that was the most glorious feast….and others I passed out and woke up to a burnt pizza.

  29. I will never be able to eat pop rocks in the same way again. My candy is definitely a chilled glass of white at the end of the day. Some days it’s the only reason I get out of bed in the morning.

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