My Gym Is Not a Gem

Now that I have fully recovered from my Sketchers catastrophe, I have resumed training for the Color Run. I am braving this 5k at the end of November. Training is so much more difficult than the actual run. Obviously, there are no strangers cheering me on by throwing powdered rainbows on me while I slave on the treadmill. There also isn’t a celebration with beer waiting for me after I complete my reps on the weight machine. Who am I kidding. We all know there is beer waiting in my fridge, but that doesn’t change the fact that training just… sucks.

How you actually look like when you run

Swap the bubbles for a beer and it’s pretty spot on.

To make matters worse, I have come to the understanding that either the place is just plain old bad luck, or the employees at my gym are purposefully sabotaging me. If the latter is the case, it is probably just because they are jealous that they don’t have the balls to workout in men’s long jonhs. I also don’t sweat, which is neat.

Here are a few examples of why I’ve come to such a conclusion:

  • Yesterday I was five minutes in to my jaunt on the treadmill when the sun decided to rape my eyeballs. Despite my elaborate attempt to get the attention of a trainer by running with both hands glued to my head in salute position to hint that she lower the blinds, I was still ignored. It was weird because I was the only person in the room and she closed all of the blinds in the building excluding the ones in front of me.
  • The gym connects to my apartment complex. Every time the attractive male from 301 enters the front door my pants hightail it so far up my ass that even thongs would find it brave.
  • The same front desk lady keeps asking me if I am a student in the same voice that the lady who cut my hair in elementary school asked me, “So what grade will you be in next year?!”.
  • The girl I took a Pilates class with once stopped attending after I joined. We were the only two in the class. She also stopped saying things like “hi” when I saw her by the water fountain after that.

Is this just bad luck? Sheer coincidence? Or, does Full Circle Fitness just want me out of their circle?

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About becca3416

Becca Cord is a twenty-something year old southern ballerina turned humor writer and video editor. Having lived in Louisiana her entire life, she is now perusing her travel dreams while starting her own free-lance Web Marketing business and organizing a nation wide blogging event, Blogger Interactive. She believes one of her callings is making people laugh, and she intends to do so. You can find Becca on her personal blog, Facebook page, or Twitter @becca25tofly.

Posted on September 13, 2012, in Fitness, Humor, Silly and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.

  1. You don’t sweat? That’s pretty much what I got out of that… got distracted by the jealousness seething through my body… ^.^

  2. Those pics are killing me – in a good way!

  3. It’s all a conspiracy. Except the pants riding up your butt. That’s just what I call the running wedgie. If you don’t have a wedgie, you’re not running hard enough.
    But actually, good luck with your training!

  4. Becca, they’ll think differently when you win the marathon or whatever it is you are running. I couldn’t run 5K. I couldn’t even watch someone else run it without feeling exhausted!
    Good luck…!

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